In The Beginning, People Were Sexy
by opeidoscopic
Summary: A bunch of people get together and have kidney babies. Hilarity ensues - with sexy results.


How the universe was created: the **TOTALLY FUCKING LEGIT** story for young, impressionable children, of the truth and drugs.

once there was a chat where there was too much sex. there was so much of these inappropriate activities some of them never grew out of it and became prostitutes. or pimp clowns. or rick astley. either way.

some of the more successful, mature ones became drug dealers, though.moss was supplying them with unicorn dust. all of them had sex one day. it was fantastic. one big awesome orgy indeed. then they all had a party and they all got drunk (again) and then had sex. again. also some got pregnant. (they all did, especially the guys.)

SUDDENLY, THEY WEREN'T NAKED ANYMORE. (this is actually a lie) IT WAS THE APOCALYPSE. BUT THEN THEY WERE NAKED AGAIN.

WHY, ICEBREATH SHRIEKED IN A MANLYVOICE, LOOKING AT HIS KIDNEYS, WHICH FELL OUT.

AND THESE KIDNEYS GREW INTO WHORES

AND THESE 64 WHORES GREW INTO PLANETS AND STARS AND stuff.

...

AND SO A PLANET OF WHORE KIDNEYS WAS BORN.

they called it unicornwhoreland. it was next to candyland.

BUT THEN AN ASTEROID OF 42 LIVER MANWHORES STRUCK BOTH PLANETS AND MADE A NEW PLANET OF REGULAR MANWHORES.

THIS PLANET WAS CALLED EARTH, and not that sexy. untill the kidneywhores arrived. then it was orgytime 24/7.

And then the earthians were introduced to bondage and unicorn dust by the liverwhores. as well as beds and their many uses. like sleeping.

It wasn't really kinky until some dude decided to stick stuff together using some sort of silver tape. This man would be jesusfish. or something like that. And then he created a primitive video-recording device, supplying hours of enjoyment for the liverwhores and kidneywhores except for the regular whores, who didn't get to see the pr0nprimitive sexy recording device.

after discovering fire, totally by accident- new fetishes were created.

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE WAS BORN FROM THE COMBINING OF FETISHES AND THE FACT THAT THEY HAD NO CONDOMS-as condoms are for wimps who fear this newfound thing called "disease", such as pregnancy, a disease in which a creature grows inside you until it is forcefully ejected. what confused the earthians was that it shot out the same orifice that the pr0n made viewable to shut-ins and small children. Which at the time was nearly everyone that roamed the planet. soon they started to imitate the pr0n, with sexy results. jesusfish, angered by the overuse of teh pr0nz by small children, made them unable to do this effectively until at a certain age. however, the internet was invented so the children could have easy access to pr0n after all the viewing stations imposed an age limit.

somewhere else in the world, a new thing known as "drugs" was being invented.

And it was found that, when combined with the fire, the "drugs" would do some really freaky shit to the earthian's brains. Many earthians found this pleasurable. These earthians were soon known as "stoners" Mostly due to the fact that they'd have really weird "trips" where they banged their heads against stones.The stoners then started doing wacky shit to farm animals and taped it using their mom's video camera. Notably sheep, for some reason. However, goats were not exempt, nor were llamas. then, some amazing guy invented LSD, also known as "magical unicorn dust". This stuff was some seriously messed up shit. People who combined the wonders of unicornwhoreland (being drugs, sex, love and music) became known as hippies. Hippies however, were very eco-friendly, and didn't condone consumption of meat, even though it is the food chain. This angered most earthians, who until this point had dined almost exclusively on the flesh of others, specifically the flesh of babies.Those who dined on other's brains became violently and painfully ill, followed by death and subsequent zombieism. However, most were content with their neighborhood KFC and didn't need to kill any more people than necessary. Unless they were bored. Then it became a messed-up sport, bet on by millions. They called this sport "NASCAR". NASCAR endorsed the burning of cars, which had rubber tires and angered the hippies, who drove hybrids and used steel "tires" like the unbearable pussies they were. But then jesusfish was infuriated, so he nuked all the earthians. And they all died. And got pregnant.

**THE END**

By Icebreath, Scrooge, Lavender, and Dream.


End file.
